monday...

by far the hardest of days. after a weekend of performances in a hotter than hell theatre there is no place i'd rather be right now than sitting in this office. no place. my alarm went off this morning and i popped out of bed as excited as can be at the prospect of another day, another week, of "work." my stomach hurts, my throat hurts, and i'm so beyond tired. and it's not just any monday. it's industry nite! which means after this hellish day is over i head to the theatre for a swealtering performance for an audience of actors! i need mental prep time for that. i need a nice day at home. in bed. sleeping. i work hard. i don't want to "work" too. i'm a generally lazy person w/very little drive when it comes to anything. but i pull my shit together when it comes to being an actor. to have my shit together as office manager in addition is simply asking too much. and i want babies! how the hell am i going to manage that? and who am i to complain? that's really the worst part. the guilt. b/c i am doing what i love. b/c i do have a steady paycheck and the ever elusive key to my life - health insurance. but it doesn't make this day, or any other day, any easier. i recognize that this makes me a horrible, ungrateful person. but it's monday. and i'm miserable.